This has nothing to do with politics, or culture, or philosophy, or my friend Leah. I just need to get this off my chest.
I have heard on hundreds of occasions throughout my life people utter the words, “Sorry for the mess.” There are variants, but that is the standard remark.
When visitors come over, usually unexpectedly, the homeowner (or renter) commonly apologizes for the state of their home. There’s clutter everywhere. They are embarrassed by this. So, they apologize.
I get it: people have lives, families, pets, stuff gets messy. I however have a strict no spouses, no kids, no pets policy; but some people decide to go this route. I have no idea why, but I don’t judge. Get married, have kids, buy a dog—knock yourself out.
My area is tidy. My apartments, and my current living space, have always been organized and neat. I like a tidy environment. I am accused of having OCD. In this culture it does not surprise me that being neat is associated with a mental disorder. In Japan, it’s called “maintaining a home.” It’s just what you do.
But the frequency with which I hear people say “Sorry for the mess” leads me to believe many living spaces are messy most of the time. And that’s fine. If you’re more comfortable in an undignified hovel, you do you. Again, I don’t judge. It’s the apology I find draining.
Why are you apologizing? It’s like when John Belushi smashes that guitar in Animal House. He destroys some guy’s guitar at a party and then mutters under his breath, “Sorry.” This is you.
You made your living quarters messy, now you’re apologizing. Why not just present your home with pride? It is after all an expression of who you are. Instead, present your home like “Ta-dah!” Act as though your guests should be dazzled. Embrace who you are—don’t beg someone’s forgiveness for it! I hate to see you treat yourself in such a fashion.
