My Friend Leah—update 10

[Read time: 3:15]

Well, I am now among the initiated. Leah was over visiting; we were talking about books and such as we do, and her hip did something weird. Painful. She almost went down, but thankfully did not. She was then standing, staring off into space.

I said, “Are you okay?” No response. I figured she might switch. She did, but I had no idea how right I was. I tried to guide her to the bed to lie down and give her hip a rest. Down she went like a sack of potatoes.

She was non-verbal, at times screaming. I had never seen this before. I thought I knew all her states, but this was new. I called her therapist, Doug (not real name), and he informed me that she was having a flashback.

Doug stayed on FaceTime with us for about a half hour. Leah eventually relaxed, her breathing slowed, and nodded off for a while. Upon waking, I asked if she wanted to speak with Doug, and she nodded. So, another FaceTime call, whereupon Leah came back to the front. We were soon joking and laughing.

Witnessing the flashback was quite unpleasant. She was reliving past abuse and trauma right in front of me. I will not divulge the details of what she said over and over again. Suffice to say, it was the stuff of horror. The stuff you cannot picture a grown man doing to a young girl.

It wasn’t Leah screaming. It was a very young alter whose “job” it is to store such memories. The terrified child was screaming.

When you abuse a child, you end up traumatizing them as an adult as well. I know it’s pointless to mention this; anyone who is going to engage in this kind of sadism is not going to be influenced by logic or sympathy. But writing it makes me feel better.

Later, she was perplexed that it took so long for me to witness a flashback. I conjectured that she fought it for as long as she could—this is a source of severe embarrassment for her; plus she’s terrified of me pulling back—and then her brain must have decided, “Ah, Greg’s okay. Let’s party.” And, boy, did it. Terrifying.

This does not however indicate a change in trend. The flashbacks have always been part of the package. Since her last hospitalization, I would say she has been trending upward. I said as much in a meeting with her psychiatrist.

I have become part of Leah’s care team. And it is a responsibility that I am quite proud of. I am on emergency contact lists, people very close to her text me with med questions—like when she takes what—and I’m in most of the paperwork by now. I regularly sit in on meetings with her professional team. There are precious few of us, but we are dedicated to her well being and her safety. I hate the thought of maybe never having met her. It’s a scary thought.

I love her. And it’s a love that has depth. I have loved “girlfriends” before, but all that seems shallow and thin by comparison.

I love how Leah talks to animals like they’re people. She’ll be in a pet store and talk to the birds and fish and lizards like they’re humans. I’ve never seen anything quite like it. It’s genuine. She’s not trying to be cute. When she asks a lizard, “Are you grumpy today?,” it’s like she expects an answer.

She recently fell in love with a small gray parrot named Jesse. She marveled at how sociable and playful he was. Jesse was $800. I’m not going to lie: I did think about it. Days later I called Petco, wondering if they would come down in price. Alas, Jesse had been sold. I hope Jesse is enjoying his new home.

So, when you go to Poke Bros.—which is short for brothers; it’s not Poke Bros, bro—they give you a small candy treat with your bowl. It’s a small spherical, green hard candy. They’re Chinese and supposedly pomegranate flavored.

I gave one to Leah, and she loved it. So I called Poke Bros. and said, “You know those candies you give out? I’d like a hundred of them.” They decided on a price and soon I had three bags of the things. I then ordered a nice glass crock, and now Leah has a charming gift to pick up. She did bring me a nice house plant in a large ceramic bowl, so it seemed only fair.

Who asks a lizard if he’s grumpy??

Brent crude

Quiet Supporters

 

Gasoline

Before you read this, please bear in mind three things:

1. THE U.S. PRESIDENT DOES NOT SET GAS PRICES

2. THE U.S. PRESIDENT DOES NOT SET GAS PRICES

3. THE U.S. PRESIDENT DOES NOT SET GAS PRICES


Ten points on gas prices being up:

1. Gas prices are rising.

2. This is due to the current US president starting a war with Iran. One of Iran’s retaliatory techniques has been to slow the movement of crude oil.

3. This lowers supply. Supply down = prices up. Supply up = prices down.

4. The United States is an oil exporter, yes. But the oil the United States exports tends to be “sweet” (or “light”) oil. The country still imports “heavy” crude.

5. Gasoline is produced from oil.

6. Oil is traded on the global commodities market.

7. A common “benchmark” for pricing is called “Brent crude.” This accounts for two-thirds of the global oil market.

8. The price per barrel is now up 50 percent. As of yesterday, Brent was trading at $109 a barrel. 1 Barrel = 42 Gallons. Half the price of gasoline is due to the cost of crude oil.

9. The Strait of Hormuz is a narrow channel between Iran and the United Arab Emirates (UAE). Some 20 percent of the world’s oil passes through the strait. The oil comes from Iraq, Kuwait, Qatar, Saudi Arabia and the UAE. Traffic has all but stopped.

10. Even if US-Israeli operations ceased tomorrow, Iran can continue to drive up the price of oil. It’s like they know November is coming.

Voter Fraud

This is the rate of mail-in voter fraud.

Nearly a third of Americans voted by mail in the 2024 general election. About 48 million people.

How many committed fraud?

Four.

Sorry for the Mess

This has nothing to do with politics, or culture, or philosophy, or my friend Leah. I just need to get this off my chest.

I have heard on hundreds of occasions throughout my life people utter the words, “Sorry for the mess.” There are variants, but that is the standard remark.

When visitors come over, usually unexpectedly, the homeowner (or renter) commonly apologizes for the state of their home. There’s clutter everywhere. They are embarrassed by this. So, they apologize.
I get it: people have lives, families, pets, stuff gets messy. I however have a strict no spouses, no kids, no pets policy; but some people decide to go this route. I have no idea why, but I don’t judge. Get married, have kids, buy a dog—knock yourself out.

My area is tidy. My apartments, and my current living space, have always been organized and neat. I like a tidy environment. I am accused of having OCD. In this culture it does not surprise me that being neat is associated with a mental disorder. In Japan, it’s called “maintaining a home.” It’s just what you do.

But the frequency with which I hear people say “Sorry for the mess” leads me to believe many living spaces are messy most of the time. And that’s fine. If you’re more comfortable in an undignified hovel, you do you. Again, I don’t judge. It’s the apology I find draining.

Why are you apologizing? It’s like when John Belushi smashes that guitar in Animal House. He destroys some guy’s guitar at a party and then mutters under his breath, “Sorry.” This is you.

 
You made your living quarters messy, now you’re apologizing. Why not just present your home with pride? It is after all an expression of who you are. Instead, present your home like “Ta-dah!” Act as though your guests should be dazzled. Embrace who you are—don’t beg someone’s forgiveness for it! I hate to see you treat yourself in such a fashion.

My Friend Leah—update 9

One of the problems with interacting with someone who is a lot smarter than you are is you are constantly reminded of the fact. It never stops. There are no weekends off. Leah is such a person.

We were chatting one day, and I suggested we read together Jean-Paul Sartre’s Being and Nothingness. “Maybe in a couple years we could read it.” I am buried in Adam Smith studies at the moment; I am re-reading the Wealth of Nations, which is a thousand pages of eighteenth-century political economy. I am also reading books about Adam Smith, and will read his Lectures on Jurisprudence as well as re-read his Theory of Moral Sentiments. I have a lot on my plate.

Sartre’s magnum opus is 800 pages and at times a very (very) challenging read. It’s one of those books one should read a couple books on before tackling. Anyhoo, when I suggested this to Leah, she looked at me like I was an idiot and said, “Just read both.” “Um …,” I replied, “do you see what I am presently doing??” And she said it again, this time with greater emphasis: “Just read both!!” (We discussed this at some length, and the conversation never got past what you’ve already just read.)

Leah is frequently in pain, lonely, afraid. She has a head full of bad memories—the kind you cannot imagine. There is a small (very small) number of us who try our best to make her feel loved and safe. She is sometimes in agony, has trouble sleeping, and every day is a question mark.

Her sleep partner has for a couple years been her dog, Sophie (not real name). Sophie was a beautiful purebred with just a lovely temperament. Sadly, Sophie’s kidneys never developed properly and at the age of two, recently had to be put down. This was an unfair cruelty to Leah.

I said, “Your home needs cheer and joy, and I would get a puppy in that house as soon as possible.” Leah found a breeder in Ohio, and there is now a new puppy running around the house. He is a delight, about the cutest thing you have ever seen, and is all paws. He’s going to be a big boy. I have seen photos of his parents—who were show dogs—and, yes, he’s going to be big.

Despite the loss of Sophie, dare I say Leah’s been doing pretty well—at least to my eyes. I pointed this out to her and she cut me a look. There’s a lot going on beneath the surface. I’m of course aware of this.

She has shared journals from previous years and stays in the psych ward. They detail the torture she endured as a girl. As I have likely mentioned before, I bear no anger toward the individual who did this. It’s like being bitten by a rattle snake. Do you get angry at the snake? No. You might get angry at having been bitten, but the snake was just doing what poisonous snakes do.

I’m ashamed that I have in the past pondered the words of Saint Thomas Aquinas: “The blessed in the kingdom of heaven will see the punishments of the damned, in order that their bliss be more delightful for them.” I imagine him—and those who looked the other way—burning in hell.

If there is a heaven, it’s a place where people see what they did in life with perfect clarity. Their sins and the causing of pain in others are their own punishment. Plato said this. So did Aristotle. The Bible also says this (Jeremiah 2:19). As does the Quran.

But that puppy is so cute, I can barely stand it.

Puppy traffic is hard on carpet. So Leah bought a carpet shampooer. She went Bissell, but I use a Hoover for my carpet shampooing needs. (Like puppies, MS patients are also hard on carpet.) She says she read a crazy amount of reviews, and claims the Hoovers did not perform well. (An argument ensued; this is what we argue about.)

I then asked if she was using Zep carpet shampoo. No. What?? I cannot. So, I ordered her a jug of Zep. She said, “You’re strange. I love you, but you’re seriously strange.” I can’t sit idly by while someone is not using Zep!

Reading Smith’s Wealth of Nations and Sartre’s Being and Nothingness at the same time?? [sigh] Fine, I’ll be the dumb friend.