So, I called Leah on FaceTime sometime last week, and she was sitting next to her pal Kaiden (not real name). I got the feeling something was off, and “Leah” was smiling in a strange way. I suspected a switch.
I therefore said to Kaiden, “Kaiden, could you maybe give us a minute?” Then Kaiden gestured toward “Leah” and said, “This is Bailee.” I said, “Um … okay … never mind.” So, Bailee has “gone public” and was chatting with everyone. This filled me with delight. This is a major step forward.We kept chatting, and I said to Bailee, “I do not mean to embarrass you in front of Kaiden, and I have not told you this today, but I love you.” Bailee then yelled, “Hey, Kaiden, come here!” I said, “Wait, I thought he was sitting right there.” Kaiden then came over and Bailee asked me to repeat what I had said. I then repeated the “I love you” part. Then there’s a long strange pause, and Kaiden says, “… Me??” We exploded with laughter.
Leah is coming home, finally. Her stay was cut a bit short because her team here felt it was time. Why is this? Because as nice as the facility is, they are ill-equipped to provide Leah the care she needs. She does not need coping strategies for Christ’s sake. There were other indications that the facility has advertised services they could not deliver.
The counselor—who studied acting—at an “alumni night” brought attention to Leah’s DID in a group. He turned her into the bearded lady and made her disorder into a party trick. Others joined in. This deeply saddened Leah and seriously angered me. This is why I am protective of Leah. She is not an oddity or curiosity. This counselor has only dealt with two DID patients. Two?? I know more about DID than he does.
There was also the instance of coercing her into taking medication to inhibit switching—by the same person. This ignored the treatment plan that was put together by other qualified staff—the whole reason why she was there. Inhibiting switching is not the point at all. Leah will always have the parts that she has. The goal is to get them to coordinate and balance the ”system”
Despite saying daily that she wanted to come home, she is sad to leave. She feels on some level that it is her fault. It is not. And I have explained this to her on a number of occasions. There were some good things that took place there. But the minus column won out. Leah must say goodbye to her goats and pigs.
But it will be a joy to have her home. I have Christmas gifts for her. She says she knows what they are. “No you don’t!” “Yes, I do!” “Do not!” (You know the routine.)
When she gets back we’re also going to White Fence Farm to eat. This is one of my happy places. I love WFF. Sure, the fried chicken is superb, but it’s the “relishes”: the cottage cheese, pickled beets, bean salad, coleslaw (made with vinegar), and their legendary corn fritters. So, we’re headed there. And they have goats and alpacas! Sadly, no pigs.
And for Christmas I have a couple nights reserved at the Peninsula hotel. I had reservations at the Ritz-Carlton, but the Peninsula is more my scene. (Once a year, I must stay in a luxury hotel; I just have to scratch that itch; some people go to Florida or the Wisconsin Dells, I go to five-star hotels.) Leah’s family is going to come up and swim. I don’t look forward to much anymore (awww!), but I am looking forward to that. It’s gonna be a gas.
But mostly, I’m just eager to see Leah. I miss her. She has become such a central figure in my life. The universe usually has a middle finger in my face, but it did me a solid when it arranged my collision with Leah. Thanks, universe.
I told her, if she did guess my presents, to just act surprised. I’ll know, but I’ll appreciate it.
[Photo by Leah]
