Comedian Dave Chappelle's new Netflix special Sticks & Stones opens by contrasting two narratives: that of Anthony Bourdain and an old high-school friend of Chappelle's. Bourdain, the audience is told, had a great job, which allowed him to have enviable experiences, and yet took his own life. Chappelle's friend, on the other hand, faced a series of life setbacks, was now in a workaday job, and in spite of it all had not taken his own life.
The purpose of this blog is not to engage in art criticism. And the purpose of this particular blog post is not to review some entertainer's work. It is irrelevant that Chappelle's joke wasn't funny. (Though, judging by the response, many in the audience would disagree with me and felt someone's suicide was hilarious.) What is relevant is that the joke reinforced prejudice.
I understand well the principle that because a joke mentions a subject does not mean the joke is about that subject. However, Chappelle was indeed speaking to suicide, all the while fostering an all too common assumption that those who take their own lives do so casually. I have personally, on many occasions, heard people criticize, condemn, dismiss, and ridicule victims of suicide. When the topic arises in a group or at a gathering, condescension is sure to follow.
This critical commentary leveled at victims of suicide is an expression of both disappointment and conceit. There are three basic verdicts that seem to predominate, and frequently overlap:
1. "He or she had everything." Chappelle adopts this approach, as if to ask, Why would someone who enjoyed the appurtenances of material success kill himself? The question of course is not a question; it's a judgment that happens to feature a question mark. Removed from consideration is the reality that suicide—it sadly bears mentioning—is an internal event. Money, friends, good looks, and the like do not preclude agony.
2. "He or she was selfish." This reaction, that the person should have considered others, might be based on genuine frustration with the suffering created by someone's suicide. We see the knock-on effects and wish the person who took his or her life would have "thought it through." However, again, this line of thinking neglects the internal realities; from the suicidal person's perspective, those left behind will be better off. Judging the suicide victim for not seeing clearly is not dissimilar to judging someone suffering from renal failure for not having better kidneys. One must also note the gratifying benefits of sounding or appearing righteous, of being able to see the big picture. As if to say, "My kidneys are working perfectly."
3. "He or she was weak [etc.]." This is the most base of the three—sometimes simply ventilated as "That was stupid"—and seems to be purely motivated (similar to example 2) by an eagerness to appear rugged and resilient. The message is not difficult to decipher: "I've had disappointments in life and I'm still here." It is my observation that this outlook oftentimes emanates from a particular personality type.
Suicide is a tragic and complicated phenomenon that can involve a multitude of factors. Almost half of those who commit suicide suffer from some kind of underlying mental health condition. Other considerations that can place someone at risk of suicide may include: substance abuse, medical issues, physical or sexual abuse, problems with family or finances, and a long list of possible stressors in one's life. The act can be planned or impulsive. Access to firearms also plays a significant role.
At the point of suicide, a person has lost all hope, is in unthinkable pain, and sees the end of life as the only possible release or solution. Throughout this post I have used the wording "victim of suicide," because that is what they are. We don't say one "contracts" or is "stricken with" suicide, but perhaps we should. The person has succumbed to despair. To suggest otherwise is an act of ignorance, self-aggrandizement, or cruelty.
Suicide, like gun violence, is a national health problem and should be taken seriously. But to be taken seriously, it has to be understood. Please familiarize yourself with the subject of suicide and the warning signs of someone at risk.
And if you are having suicidal thoughts, please—please—talk to someone. Anyone.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 800 273 TALK (8255)
